Goodbye
by Jess.91
Summary: DH spoilers. Remus and Tonks' funeral. Harry's thoughts.


Goodbye

Summary: DH spoilers. Remus and Tonks' funeral. Harry's thoughts.

It was a nice church. Small. Light.

He'd never been religious at all, never believe in any kind of god. Not the devil, hell or heaven. When he was a little boy, it was because he didn't think any real kind of god would have taken his parents from him, left him to suffer. And so it followed there was no god.

He didn't believe in heaven or hell because he didn't want to think of his parents in either of them. He wanted to think of them as with him, watching him. Not through the clouds, but by his side.

When he was a little older, he just didn't believe in anything.

When he was eleven, he'd found out about magic. He'd seen Voldemort. This had reinforced his lack of belief. There was no such thing as the devil. There was evil, and Harry had seen evil.

So the church didn't comfort him, didn't make him feel safe, close to god, any of that junk. Instead, she sheer reality of the situation weighed heavily on him.

Ginny was holding his hand. Or he was holding hers. Did it matter? He'd barely let go of her the last few days, scared he'd lose her again. But she wasn't going anywhere.

She was crying. She still hadn't cried a lot, even though she'd lost her brother. She sat, stared at the wall, and he knew she was sinking in her sorrow.

He did the same.

He wasn't crying. Yet. He could feel the threat of tears burning his eyes, his throat, but he wasn't crying.

In his arms, a small baby was sleeping. Teddy Lupin didn't know why he was here, Teddy Lupin didn't know his parents were gone, forever.

Teddy Lupin weighed heavily on Harry's heart too.

Remus and Tonks. Dead. Gone.

Harry sat on the pew, Ginny next to him. Next to her were Ron, Hermione and Andromeda.

The church slowly filled around them. The Weasleys. The teachers of Hogwarts. Most of the students, too. The order. It was only a small church, and soon the seats were all taken. People were standing at the back.

Remus and Nymphadora were loved. Did they know it?

Harry looked straight ahead. Remus was the final Marauder. They were all gone now. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. And dead, gone.

Wormtail, Harry hated. But he hoped that where ever this "on" was, Remus and Tonks were with Harry's own parents, and with Sirius. That they were all together again.

His eyes filled with tears now.

He'd lost his parents, before he was old enough to even remember them.

He'd lost his godfather, after only two years of knowing him.

And he'd lost Remus, who was the next thing to a godfather, wasn't he?

Remus and Tonks were his friends. They were married, they were in love. They were parents.

But now Teddy Lupin had lost his parents before he could remember them.

Harry was crying silently now, but he didn't really notice. The lump in his throat was painful.

They'd died because of him. His parents, protecting him. Sirius, saving him. Remus and Tonks, fighting for him.

He remembered his first meeting with Tonks. Remembered how she looked after Sirius had died, when she was in love with Remus and he wouldn't let himself love her back.

He remembered how she glowed when she told Harry she was married. Remembered how alight she was at Bill and Fleur's wedding, when she knew she was pregnant.

Someday, he'd tell Teddy.

He remembered Remus. Remembered him teaching him how to make a patronus. Remembered how he explained why the dementors affected Harry. Remembered him leaving the school, to protect the students.

Remembered how Remus assured Harry after he'd seen Snape's memories. How Remus had held Harry back to stop him running after Sirius, stopped him dying too. Remembered how Remus had been deliriously happy when Teddy was born. Appointed Harry godfather.

Remembered him coming to Hogwarts to fight. Remembered seeing him as Harry went to die in the forest.

Someday, he'd tell Teddy all of that, too.

Harry thought about how he'd lost his parents. Then Sirius. Then Dumbledore. His biggest protectors. Then Mad-eye, Dobby, Remus and Tonks. Also protectors. Fred. A friend. Almost like a brother.

Had he lost all his protectors because, in the end, he couldn't have protection? He couldn't be protected.

But he wished they hadn't had to die.

The service itself was short. Then they were lowered into the ground in Godric's hallow, near Harry's own parents. White marble. He's made sure Remus and Tonks had white marble too. For purity, for goodness.

Because whatever Remus may have thought, he was pure, he was good.

People started filing away from the grave, but Harry moved closer. He crouched, looked at the names etched onto the marble, and wished he wasn't. Wished they were alive.

But they weren't. They were gone, Teddy was an orphan.

"Goodbye." Harry murmured. "I'm sorry." He stood, looked at Teddy. He'd awoken sometime ago, but hadn't made a sound.

Maybe Teddy Lupin did know his parents were gone, forever.

But the child still weighed on Harry's heart.


End file.
